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Argentine tango blog
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Tango etiquette
Some day in 2003 - Milonga primer
Generally accepted rules of social tango dance. Most of these rules are common sense traffic rules worked out to prevent collisions.
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
Will Rogers
- Tango is walking dance. All over the world people dance tango by moving counterclockwise along perimeter of dance floor.
- Do not hold the traffic. If there is an empty space in front of you, move, you are creating congestion behind you.
- Do not cut through the empty space in the middle of dance floor unless you absolutely have to. If there is more than one traffic lane at milonga, do not zigzag between the lanes.
- If dance have started and you are about to step on the floor ask permission of incoming leader via eye contact or at least make him aware - you'll avoid collision.
- Do not teach on the floor during milonga. You are being offensive toward other dancers (teach if you must off-floor or at practica).
- It is expected that couple will dance 3-4 dances in a row, more if connection is exceptional. The rational behind this rule is following: it takes at least one dance to get used to each other lead/follow habits. After that you have at least two more dances to enjoy.
- You may notice that some complete stranger stares at you with an intent. Do not freak out. Common way to invite someone to tango is via eye contact. Read this entry in the blog on intricate art cabeceo in Buenos Aires. You do not have to use cabeceo in the US - walk over and invite partner verbally.
- Followers, when you practice it helps to close your eyes to facilitate torso communication. When you dance on crowded floor do not close your eyes - you can prevent collisions with someone behind your partner. Look after your leader, he will be grateful.
- Followers, do not panic! Your leader has (or should have) plan for the next couple beats, step boldly where his torso leads you.
- Leaders, do not lead step patterns on crowded floor. There is no room to finish the sequence. Also complex patterns do not fit music - bad musicality habbit.
- Have fun. Relax and enjoy the music and connection with that special for duration of three songs person. And remember, you dance who you are.
Oct. 18, 2005 - Who is Sadie Hawkins?
Tango Colorado is going to have two Sadie Hawkins nights at this week practicas. Who is Sadie Hawkins? From Wikipedia:
She was "the homeliest gal in the hills," and she grew tired of waiting for men to court her. So her father declared a foot race in which unmarried women of the town of Dogpatch pursued the single men. If a woman caught a man, he had to marry her.
High schools across the United States adopted the fictional concept and held light-hearted events during "Sadie Hawkins Day" where girls would ask boys on dates to dances.
He had to marry (to dance with) her? Well, if roles are reversed, which is perfectly reasonable and quite educational (by the way, why should not both men and women invite to dance all the time? - any feminists out there?), the reversal should be complete and man has to have the right to say "no, I am resting" or some such. Otherwise the fun would be clearly lopesided.
Jul. 27, 2005 - Enlightened dogmatism.
Derik Rawson wrote a while ago about dogmatism of milonguero style dancers:
"As time went on, I also saw the local group here, which now "preaches" her [milonguero - OK] style, become more and more anti-social and dogmatic, so I just let them go off and do their thing."
First of all I would like to suggest that anyone caught arguing with Derik should be spanked.
Now as a way of clarification of Derik's most probably valid observation here are two quotes from my old posts on connection:
"One of the most common problems with the followers trained in the open frame attempting to dance in the close embrace is that their posture is pulled too far back from solar plex, which cripples connection, communication with the partner (the grossly exaggerated form of this posture is done by ballroom dancers). I have experienced this problem so many times especially with nuevo tango dancers."
and
"Fleeing connection – it's like stepping into thin air or chasing a ghost, very frustrating. Experienced with advanced dancers trained in open frame who have no problem doing the footwork however essentially dance with themselves."
It is possible to lead these followers, but the essence of tango, connection is lost. And so the "anti-social and dogmatic" behavior is natural result of not willing to endure frustrating tangos. To clarify it a bit more here is analogy from movie "Owning Mahowny" where gambling addict rates his next best experience compare from the high he gets from gambling at 10 (gambling is 100). If the best experiences from dancing close embrace tango were at 100 than I would rate an average tango with good connection at 70 and the best salsa experiences I ever had would be at about 50 (I do not dance tango in open frame, hence the salsa comparison).
By the way the dogmatic behavior can be observed in Buenos Aires as well: if you try to dance in open frame salon style there you will sit and observe people dancing in close embrace for the rest of the milonga. To avoid this it might be useful to take some lessons in close embrace before going to milonga as Sergio Vandekier has advised:
"If you are a Salon dancer but wish to go to a particular club where Milonguero is done, try to go to the lessons that are usually taught before the milonga. This will familiarize you with the style and some of the people."
I should add though that one lesson before milonga most probably will not be sufficient. Also if you dance in open frame salon style I would like to sincerely wish you good luck finding a milonga where milonguero is not "done" in Buenos Aires.
Nov. 18, 2004 - How floorcraft relates to horse races
From Robin:
There is a simple truism that eludes too many of our tango friends: Tango is not a race: there is no finish line. Therefore, there is no reason to overtake.
Brilliant. Of course some dancers overtake simply because they have limited dance vocabulary, do not know what else to do but to march forward.
Nov. 14, 2004 - What is an idiota?Robin has the answer:
An idiota would be someone who tried to dance to the cortina or stood there on the dancefloor with their embarrassed partner while the cortina was playing.
The rest of his advice on proper milonga behaviour is equally good. Read it here.
Practica primer
Where class is for learning and milonga is for dancing, practica is for reviewing and exploring. Practica is essential for improvement as a dancer, since here you have time and room to invent new steps and can get help from other dancers on steps you half-remember from the class. You do not have to dance entire song, rotate partners or adhere to some of navigational rules of milonga. Feel free to stop and ponder the mechanics of the step, repeat it hundred times or invent a new step.
Jun. 7, 2005 - Milongas rely on repeated business from customers
A friend had been chastised by host at BsAs milonga when he changed his table to the one closer to the floor as opposed to the one in the boonies assigned by the host. As a result he had to leave the milonga.
Milonga incident - well, #1 you are a couple - often that means you do not have to do cabeceo, #2 your have probably came to this milonga for the first time, #3 you are tourists - summarily those three factors virtually guarantee you back row sitting. Since milongas depend a lot on repeated business these rules are sensible. Host always decides where to put you at more traditional milongas in BsAs therfore it was rather severe breach of etiquette. Try this next time (not at this milonga - it was effectively killed by now): it can be useful and fairly common to politely complain about the table as it gets asigned - hosts might relocate you either right away or later on as tables free up. Calling ahead to reserve a table also could help.
Sep. 20-27, 2004 - Impressions from the first tango trip to Buenos Aires. Monday to Monday.
The intricate art of cabeceo
Cabeceo is ritual used at Buenos Aires milongas to invite a partner to dance. For some time I absentmindedly called cabeceo cabesito, which if you think about it is altogether very different thing. It took me three full days to work out proper ritual for cabeceo. Not that I wasn’t dancing but I am sure I have missed some opportunities to dance simply because I would be staring at inappropriate time or simply staring. Borges has wasted his talent writing that tango poem (about knifes and other silly things). It would have been much better spent attempting to describe refined rules of invitation to dance at milongas. As for any complex social system there are exceptions from the rules and exceptions from exceptions. Also the rules vary from milonga to milonga and depend on how early or late you arrive to a particular milonga, and on how good a dancer you are. See, Borges would have loved to write about it. Well everything is not lost as yet - I saw a guy at Salon Canning and a girl at El Beso doing nothing but writing fervently throughout milonga. Tango Borgeses in the making?
Milonga floors are rectangle. Since dance invitations in Buenos Aires occur via eye contact it is the best to separate men and women and place their tables at perpendicular sides of the floor (the best example of this kind of placement as well as the best environment (floor size, light) can be found at Lo de Celia). As you enter the milonga a host usually greets you and escorts you to your table. The best tables located in the middle of the front row are usually reserved for hard core milongueros. It makes sense since these are the guys who will be looked on the most and often dance the most. Tourists and couples are placed at the back row. Again makes sense since these are the people who are not going to use cabeceo much. Couples dance with themselves. If you are a couple but wish to dance with other people sit at separate tables. It is very easy to spot tourists at milonga especially in Salon Canning: they form the islands of people among empty tables still sitting during third song in the tanda.
You can call ahead and reserve front table. However I would advice against it if you do not dance well, since you might feel lonely sitting there while everyone except you has left their tables to dance. Also it could be very stressful for your neck and needless to say to your psyche to node in response to all the glances addressed to some really good dancer sitting right next to you. If you happened to find yourself in this predicament (sitting next to a popular dancer) you will be well advised to wait until he gets up to dance and then start scanning the tables for remaining potential partners.
So the host has placed you at your table (or if you arrived late or to Salon Canning you found an empty chair somewhere). Cortina is played. Look at the floor, the ceiling, the table, your neighbor - anywhere but the followers; you never know what kind of music will be played during the upcoming tanda. Tanda has started. Let those popular guys get up. Now start to glance casually along the follower’s row. If you have just arrived to Buenos Aires at your first visit and not a Prince Charming on white horse and in full armor chances are no one is looking your way. At some point at this introductory stage you might encounter three kind of glances: 1) quick glance and look elsewhere – no interest; 2) about three second stare and look elsewhere – too late, you have just missed your chance to invite someone for a dance, node after the first or second second to invite – these are the potential dances I have missed a lot initially; 3) constant stare – your fellow tourist.
Start dancing and hope that your partner is good (this is why some sage tourists hide from compatriots). If you are good and needless to say close embrace dancer magic begins to happen: after couple tandas heads begin to turn your way. First from the table with the follower with whom you have just finished a tanda. Gradually from all around the room. Now even local dancers might begin to stare. At this point anything goes and you can also start to stare at someone you consider to be an interesting to dance with. I didn’t do it but I saw some great local dancer who would stare at followers all the time simply because he would hate to miss a tanda.
You know that you are accepted as a quality dancer when you come to Porteno y Bailarin for your second milonga and a good follower sitting in front of you and with whom you have not danced as yet turns her chair around almost putting her back to the floor to face you. Naturally native milongueros are surrounded by this kind of attention all the time. In fact it is very illuminating as well as entertaining to stand behind milonguero’s row at Porteno y Bailarin (bar is conveniently located right behind this row) and to observe the lengths some of the followers go into to dance with the old tigers.
More on social etiquette at BsAs milongas from El Firulete: Girl Talk and Esta Solita?.
Jan. 16, 2006 - More on cabeceo in Buenos Aires
If cabeceo does not quite work for you in Buenos Aires. From Dolores:
BTW, obviously it s ok [to walk over and] to invite at the table at Parakultural and La Viruta.
Try to make eye contact during the cortina, before the music starts. Once the music starts she will have somebody in mind and will be focusing on him, your odds are better during the cortina, at least of her noticing that you want to dance with her, it might not happen in that tanda, but maybe later.
If nothing else works and you believe that the woman has not noticed your efforts, go to her table during a cortina, tell her you would love to dance with her and that you hope that maybe later you can do so, then go back to your table.
The scores we keep. Sean wrote about cabeceo:
...If I try to catch a woman's eye when a nice Biagi tanda starts, but she stares at my friend Rhythmic Rob, that would be a failure, no? But later, when a Calo' tanda starts, I find her eyes boring a hole through my head. Does this cancel out the previous failure? Or do I have to count one success and one failure? How about if I ignore her for Calo'? Do I still get to count it as a success, since she would have danced with me?
and Astrid replied:
I would say, it usually works this way:
You try to catch her eye when Biagi starts, but she is looking at your rhythmical friend.= 1 minuspoint for you
After a few Biagi songs with Rob, she is back at her table, and now she is looking at you, but you have ordered yourself a beer, and are darkly puffing away at your cigarette with your back to her at the bar now= one minuspoint for you
She goes off dancing with someone else,but for Calo, she is back staring at you. You use your chance to take revenge, and shun her invitation- 1 pluspoint for you
She goes off dancing again...Then she comes back. Meanwhile your sensitive ego has recovered, and you smile at her from afar. But by now, you have made her wait one time too many, and she pretends not to see your smile- 1 minuspoint for you.
Tonight's score: minus 2 (regarding this lady) Try again next week. Tango is just like real life, except that you always get another chance
Aug. 19, 2005 - Cabeceo at a festival
Tom plans to introduce cabeceo and traditional sitting arrangements at the upcoming Labor Day tango festival in Denver. I like cabeceo but I wonder how and if it will work out in the festival culture. After all it is not as simple as asking several DJs to play music in tandas.
When you come to Buenos Aires everyone knows how to do cabeceo and is doing it so picking up the etiquette is natural and relatively simple. In Denver we will have a situation where most of the people are not accustomed to look into each other eyes as an invitation to dance. I wonder if cabeceo works anywhere outside Buenos Aires.
From Tango-L feedback: apparently people use cabeceo in Italy (certainly not in Japan) and anywhere else where Brian Dunn travels for tango. I was less lucky in my travels even though I have visited most of the same places Brian did.
Well, it's an interesting and worthwhile experiment.
Sep. 6, 2005 - Two pics and couple thoughts about Labor Day tango festival in Denver
It was good festival for me. On one hand I got to dance with many people I have not danced with for months or even years. There is this nice feeling of mutual recognition, rediscovery when you get to dance with someone after long intermission. On the other hand at the very first milonga I had experienced severe desire to revisit Buenos Aires - there were several dancers who had the Buenos Aires quality. Well, all it takes is to find cheap tickets right now.
Tom's experiment with cabeceo at the festival has brought mixed results. He has seated all followers at one side of the room and leaders at the other. This separate seating arrangement has worked beautifully at Lo de Celia and still works very nicely at Maipu 444 and to some extent at Club Espanol in Buenos Aires. However seating there is arranged around the floor, not at the two adjacent sides of the floor. Also those locations are relatively small and so it is not that difficult to catch an eye across the room.
At the festival on the other hand the floor was that of the size at Salon Caning and three to four rows deep seating of followers on one side of the floor and leaders at the perpendicular side has led to a situation where during cortina a wall of leaders would bunch up in the corner trying to get that special follower to look at them and preventing those seated behind the wall from doing cabeceo. Oh well, at least everyone got off the floor during cortinas (in the beginning) and the desire to use cabeceo was quite evident
Aug. 17, 2004 - On good manners and being hypocritical
Michael from Tango Bellingham has blamed organizers of milongas and quoted Heinlein on good manners at Tango-L thus:
Elemer Dubrovay wrote:
"Actually I think that they are still beginners and in place of practicing steps in the social milongas they should learn to follow the music, the line of dance and a good navigation."
I blame the organizers of the milongas as much as the dancers themselves. The organizers are afraid of offending someone and thus losing $$) if they try to enforce etiquette.
And the alledged "advanced" dancers are so lost in their narcissism that they can't even envision that they are doing anything inappropriate. As I said a few weeks back, it's the cult of "Nobody tells me what to do!"
Heinlein said it best:
"Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the sophisticated deplore these formalities as 'empty,' 'meaningless,' or 'dishonest,' and scorn to use them. No matter how 'pure' their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best."
A better quote would be the following one from Nietzsche. It would address the misplaced timidity of the organizers of milonga instead of misplaced priorities of "advanced" dancers. The tale of naked king and outspoken child also comes to mind.
Thus spake Zarathustra (from: http://www.underthesun.cc/Classics/Nietzsche/Zarathustra/zarathustra62.html)
...When however the kings approached to him, he said half-aloud, like one speaking only to himself: "Strange! Strange! How doth this harmonise? Two kings do I see--and only one ass!"
Thereupon the two kings made a halt; they smiled and looked towards the spot whence the voice proceeded, and afterwards looked into each other`s faces. "Such things do we also think among ourselves," said the king on the right, "but we do not utter them."
The king on the left, however, shrugged his shoulders and answered: "That may perhaps be a goat-herd. Or an anchorite who hath lived too long among rocks and trees. For no society at all spoileth also good manners."
"Good manners?" replied angrily and bitterly the other king: "what then do we run out of the way of? Is it not `good manners`? Our `good society`?
Better, verily, to live among anchorites and goat-herds, than with our gilded, false, over-rouged populace--though it call itself `good society.`
--Though it call itself `nobility.` But there all is false and foul, above all the blood--thanks to old evil diseases and worse curers.
The best and dearest to me at present is still a sound peasant, coarse, artful, obstinate and enduring: that is at present the noblest type.
The peasant is at present the best; and the peasant type should be master! But it is the kingdom of the populace--I no longer allow anything to be imposed upon me. The populace, however--that meaneth, hodgepodge.
Good manners! Everything is false and foul with us. No one knoweth any longer how to reverence: it is THAT precisely that we run away from. They are fulsome obtrusive dogs; they gild palm-leaves.
This loathing choketh me, that we kings ourselves have become false, draped and disguised with the old faded pomp of our ancestors, show-pieces for the stupidest, the craftiest, and whosoever at present trafficketh for power.
We ARE NOT the first men--and have nevertheless to STAND FOR them: of this imposture have we at last become weary and disgusted.
Sep. 25, 2005 - Get some spine, man
Trini de Pittsburgh has asked some time ago:
The problem stems from women physically grabbing men as they come off of the floor (using the tango hug as an excuse), following the men to the bathroom and waiting outside, giving attitude about not being asked to dance at last night's milonga, saying "f--- you" when the guy explains that he already has a partner for a particular dance, complaints if he dances a second tanda with someone, etc.
Women can be aggressive and manipulative.Does anyone else have this issue? ... men who feel as if they do not have a choice but to say yes to a woman's invitation if they want to be polite. It means that he dances but doesn't enjoy it.
By being "polite" you encourage this behavior from the bullies, get to dance a tanda no one truly enjoys and feel denigrated for some time afterwards. This is an opportune time to learn to say no (politely). Because being polite does not mean to be available to be used at someone else's whim. It means showing consideration of others and proper consideration for bullies should result in occasional spanking (with adequate level of directness which can be elevated if the initial response does not penetrate bully's often very thick skin).
All of this is pretty self-evident to me and so I have not replied to Trini's message at the time but I have not expected to put my knowledge to test so soon. Yesterday I have been subjected to soft bulling to get to dance with a person with lack of elementary social manners (how else would you describe public display of uninvited snuggling?). After I refused I have been treated to name calling and to tears. Suddenly I almost felt like I am back in kindergarten again except that this time instead of been required to perform as an action toy I was supposed to switch my role and to become a consoling pacifier (in the interest of full disclosure - alcohol was involved but as any state trooper would tell you that is not an excuse really). Crying is of course healing and should never be interrupted therefore once more I have refused this role imposition of being a pacifier. Because in truth I intend to return to kindergarten level of interaction only after I am sixty four. There is no reason to rush into senility before that age.
I normally do not decline an invitation to dance from a person with whom I have never danced before when she asks me for the first time if I am not aware of her level of dancing or personality because she might have considered her level of dancing as adequate for both of us and I know it takes some courage to invite someone to dance. It's an "exploratory" dancing. However once I do know her level of dancing and/or personality I expect that she will respect my preferences too and therefore I normally decline second invitation to dance from the same person. Once more it's pretty elementary matter of mutual respect among mature adults.
I can do as well a "charity" tanda from time to time (I do realize that others can do charity tanda for me from time to time too). Nietzsche would frown at me for this (there, I have used big name in a sentence, now my writings officially become deep). But a single person cannot demand this attitude repeatedly. I am not that charitable and do not expect others to be that way for me. And so one needs to grow some spine to learn to say no. Because, to bring the trite but true wisdom once more, it takes two (mature persons) to tango, not one and a half.
By the way all of this could have been mitigated with cabeceo.
Aug. 11, 2004 - Community building ideas
Michael Figart II presented this theory:
"I have a theory that the Denver/Boulder communities are so strong because they had a central, non-aligned organization in place before they really had any regular teachers, whereas Houston has had these competing teachers for years before Tango Houston came along. So it's gonna take some time, but it's getting better, slowly."
I have different theory on this. I think that Denver tango scene is strong because there was one (now more than one) main nonpartizan venue (Mercury Cafe) for people to come and dance. I think you confirm my theory with your Houston example:
"One of Houston's best events (not sponsored by Tango Houston) is the recent development of the "All Houston Milonga", an idea advanced and promoted by Robert Schoenberg, whereby each teacher, in rotation, every 3-4 months, sponsors an elegant milonga, and this event is promoted and attended by all the teachers, and their students. It has proven remarkably successful!"
Aug. 4, 2004 - Learning the connection
Oleh (me) wrote in the usual confusing manner:
2. it takes more than technique to become good dancer musicality (as Robert Hauk correctly pointed out in his message) and in my opinion more important perception/responsiveness/ability to communicate and to add to the dance based on that ability to communicate are harder to learn but possible (not for everyone) with correct mindset, instruction and sensitive partner.
What I tried to say is that "connection" part of tango is much harder to learn. Understanding how your partner perceives the dance and complementing / enhancing his/her tango. When both partners are able to relate on this level then the connection is amplified and becomes the proverbial "tango trance".
Not everyone is able to reach this level of connection (and performance dancers do not need it at all and therefore would have trouble teaching it, I think) because not everyone is capable to empathize. It is well known that most women empathize much easier than men. Maybe that is why it takes men longer to become a good social dancer according to numerous quoted estimates. Of course there is a matter of learning to lead the steps too (as opposed to connect), but I am not talking about mechanics here.
Jan. 19, 2004 - Looking for another partner while you dance
The article advocates acting while you dance. I actually disagree and think that we should dance who we are (or at least who we think we are). However one piece of advice is invaluable: "never EVER scan around the room with your eyes and watch other dancers or people on the sidelines". I couldn't agree more. The reasoning here is following: if you do not dance for your current partner, you wouldn't dance for me if I were to invite you. I am not going to invite someone who dances with/for the public, instead with/for me. Of course this is reciprocal - I dance with and for my partner too.
Jun. 15, 2004 - On teaching on dance floor
Pia wrote about abundance of anxious women at milongas:
"Yes, Ed! Milongas often have an abundance of women who are so anxious to dance that they will say YES to anyone who asks. We do have the power to improve the overall community by saying NO to leaders who "teach" on the floor..."
As one of my lady friends pointed out: "If leader teaches me at milonga he makes me look bad, as if I do not know what I am doing, hence my chances to dance with good leaders decrease". Obviously she thinks long term. Good habbit in general.
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